February 2012
9 posts
6 tags
“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.”
– Willy Wonka
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“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but...”
– Hunter S. Thompson
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Quieting her mind.
She’s trying her hardest to separate her past from her future. She’s trying her best to tell her screaming mind to quiet down and to stop pushing forth various damaging scenarios based solely on past experiences. The past does not dictate the future. Voices at war in her mind argue about whether to trust the love lessons she has learned or to brush them aside to take another chance. A chance she...
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Friendly Interview Advice.
Him: Walk in with a cardboard picture of my face placed over yours. I'm too handsome to turn down.
Me: Can I glue it to a stick and talk in a low voice?
Him: Toooooo handsome... It's a curse.
Me: There won't even be an interview in that case, just 'let us show you to your office'
Him: I'm offered PR jobs left and right as I walk down the street.
Me: Why turn them down?
Him: Because I would dominate the PR game putting all others out of business and then the U.S. government would break up my monopoly... I've already played it all out in my handsome brain.
Me: So this real estate thing keeps you safe...
Him: Yes... for now.
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“When you smile with those eyes baby, it’s like you place a finger on my...”
– Anna Nalick, Forever Love
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January 2012
11 posts
7 tags
Pondering me.
Having spent the past few weeks going through somewhat of an emotional time with someone in particular, I’ve been thinking a lot about myself as a person. What’s important to me? What are things I want in my life? What are things I can’t live without? Oddly enough, thinking about relationships and where I want to be has led me back to my parents’ relationship more often than not.
My mother, while...
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“There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know...”
– Oasis, Wonderwall
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All men are insane.
Him: If you were a good looking girl taking a real estate class and a scruffy faced man walks in smelling faintly of chicken salad sandwich, you'd probably just blow him right there in the bathroom, right?
Me: WHAT?!
Him: I'll take that as a definite yes
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“And then I thought that I had to be like Sherlock Holmes and I had to detach my...”
– Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
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“Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.”
– Rose Franken
lacovacha asked: I found your blog by chance. I'm a very curious person, so I found it really interesting and beautiful. I especially liked your last post, where you said you had been broken-hearted at 22. It is funny, it happened to me as well at 22... Thanks for sharing your thoughts! :)
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Destiny or Chance...
Do you think our lives are shaped by a random series of meaningless events or that our destinies were written in the stars on day one? This is a question I’ve spent numerous hours pondering over. If my life’s map has been etched in stone all along, was breaking my arm at the age of eight always going to happen? Was having my heart broken at twenty two permanently in the cards? If at...
7 tags
“They said good night; each pretending to sleep, and lay, breathing deeply to...”
– Joanne Greenberg, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
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Him: I cannot wait to hangout with you!
Me: haha, apparently I am both of your dates to the wedding
Him: It's true... we worked out a settlement
Him: I sold half of you for a pack of Bazooka Joe and 3 future purchases of FunDip
Him: I originally asked for 4 and he stonewalled me
Me: I am worth so much more than that
Him: You'd think... until you got on the open market... it's hard times out there and spunky little brunettes don't bag the same return they used to
Me: I like FunDip, am I allowed to have some?
Him: What are you nuts? Get your own FunDip... I traded you fair and square.
December 2011
6 posts
6 tags
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Stomp Your Feet If You Wanna...
If you’ve read any of my previous posts on this site, you’re well aware that I have little tolerance for most things in life including but not limited to people, situations, cats, cab drivers, babies… let’s be honest, most objects living or not I come in contact with are going to annoy me. If you’re reading this right now and you happen to be an AT&T customer...
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“You’ve already won me over in spite of me, and don’t be alarmed if I...”
– Alanis Morissette
10 tags
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Him: Come get your sandals out of my room. You have 3 minutes.
Me: WHAT SANDALS
Him: They have a brown sole with a blue and white thong thing. I think you left them here that day we went to the beach.
Me: GIVE THEM HERE
Him: I've got a bunch of stuff to bring to the Salvation Army, I'll just throw those in
Me: Throw yourself in and leave my sandals alone!
Him: Howww rude (spoken in Full House Olsen twin voice)
Me: I would buy you for 50 cents if I saw you hanging in there...no more. no less.
Him: I wouldn't let you buy me, I'd start kicking as soon as you got near me.
November 2011
10 posts
7 tags
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Him: You saw black swan right?
Me: Yep, did you just see it?
Him: There's 28 minutes left, did I miss the make out scene?
Me: Um, what are they doing right now, what scene?
Him: It was just the scene where Natalie Portman was going crazy and slammed the door on her mom's hand and pulled a feather out of her back
Him: God its been like 6 minutes, just do it already
Him: Why is she turning into a swan?
Him: Why do people think Natalie Portman is better looking than Mila Kunis?
Him: Where is Mila, I haven't even seen her
Him: I NEED ANSWERS
Me: I think you missed the hook up part, you can't start in the middle fool
Him: Look, it was on and I wanted to see some hot port on kun smooching... looks like mkun is about to get shanked up with some broken glass... yep it's happening
Me: haha I can't believe you've never seen this
Him: This movie looks like it's terrible... it only won awards cause she's got white powder on her face and there's classical music playing non stop
Him: LAWYERED
Him: How many minutes left in the movie is it when they mouth embrace? Tell me exactly.
Me: 67 mins and 4 seconds
Him: Don't be a smartass. You're really starting to grind my gears.
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“Don’t let em tell you fucked up isn’t fine, there’s like a...”
– Anna Nalick, Break Me Open
herlipstick asked: I love your blog. I think you're a brilliant writer who's witty and so relatable. I think your life is pretty much were I want to be in 5 years time, living in NYC with a career in PR. I just thought i'd let you know that i've enjoyed reading over your posts when I have a spare minute. xxx
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No time for this.... NO TIME I SAID.
I’ve been living in New York City for a little over four years now. While I’ll be the first to admit this is a breathtaking city and I wouldn’t want to live any place else for the time being, I’ll also be the first to admit the longer I live in this environment the less patience I seem to have. And this statement holds true across the board. Before I lived here, I’d have thought twice about...
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“In general, lines are there for a reason: for security, for clarity. If you...”
– Grey’s Anatomy
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His name is what??
Can someone please tell me if it’s normal to dread meeting someone based on a friend’s recommendation? Is it normal to assume immediately I will hate this person and will be so uninterested I will turn to jelly mid-dinner and slide off my chair into a puddle under the table where the staff will have to mop me up while he finishes the chicken I couldn’t eat?
In my experiences I...
October 2011
17 posts
8 tags
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and...”
– Dr. Suess
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“The thing about pessimism is that in most cases it’s nothing more than a...”
– Eric Clapton
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Am I really supposed to work out amongst this??
I’m starting this post as I stare at a green apple on my desk. I made it a point to purchase several of these apples to eat as snacks at work rather than munch on a bag of chips or chocolate candy which would taste far better. Since I picked up these apples at the grocery store I have eaten exactly none of them. Somehow having one on my desk makes me feel better even though I’d rather...
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“Instead of trying to fit an impossible ideal, I took a personal inventory of all...”
– Tina Fey, Bossypants
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The Bagel vs. Roll?
It is my personal opinion that a hard roll is the superior choice for the proper consumption of a bacon, egg and cheese if you want to enjoy it thoroughly. It’s not too thick, its flavors blend with that of the egg in perfect harmony and if you’re so inclined, you can mush it down with your hands to the width of a pancake before digging in. And don’t get all judgey because it...
6 tags
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“Eyes so black they were like the tinted windows of a sleek limousine… he...”
– John Berendt, Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil
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Who here has ever felt personally victimized by...
When I was 12 years old, to put it in the simplest of terms, I was what some would refer to as a mean girl. I know what you’re thinking… oh no I’m sure she was just young and probably very sweet. Well, that would be incorrect because like most middle school girls in sixth and seventh grade, I was exercising my right to act like a four foot tall demon with bangs. Uneven bangs I...
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Jeffrey Dahmer? Is that you under there?
Alright, who else here spends an abnormally large amount of their time protecting themselves from the inevitable run in with a blood thirsty serial killer? Hmm? Just me? Well, despite what people have been telling me for the past twenty or so years, I’m going to be ready for it people. Just like a run in with your ex on the street, it’s bound to happen sooner or later. I’ve...
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