Him: I cannot wait to hangout with you!
Me: haha, apparently I am both of your dates to the wedding
Him: It's true... we worked out a settlement
Him: I sold half of you for a pack of Bazooka Joe and 3 future purchases of FunDip
Him: I originally asked for 4 and he stonewalled me
Me: I am worth so much more than that
Him: You'd think... until you got on the open market... it's hard times out there and spunky little brunettes don't bag the same return they used to
Me: I like FunDip, am I allowed to have some?
Him: What are you nuts? Get your own FunDip... I traded you fair and square.